I am feeling a lot today. My friend is going through a breakup, and, I have to tell you, it has been the most loving, sweet breakup I have ever witnessed from two people. Holding each other, crying together about the sadness of it ending, about the death of dreams that they had together. I mean, I have shed tears over it, because it has been so heartbreakingly beautiful...until today. Boyfriend witnessed a comment from Girlfriend's Personal Trainer come through on the iPad that mentioned something about how sorry Personal Trainer was that this was happening, and making a joke about it, said, "It must be nice that "homeboy" is waiting in the wings for you through all of this." "Homeboy" is a guy at the gym who knows Girlfriend and recently confessed to Girlfriend that he has a crush on her. At the time, Girlfriend said, "Thank you. That's flattering, but I can't do anything about it because I have an amazing boyfriend." Personal Trainer knows that Homeboy likes Girlfriend. So, in an effort to cheer Girlfriend up, Personal Trainer makes joke that Boyfriend sees and now Boyfriend is hurt and angry because he imagines Girlfriend has been flirting with Homeboy, even though Girlfriend has not encouraged Homeboy's crush, and the loving ending of a beautiful relationship has screeched to a halt. Now there is bitterness, spite, venom, and anger introduced to the mix. All because of a misunderstanding.
You see, I HATE misunderstandings. Almost all of the biggest relational calamities I have ever experienced have happened because of misunderstandings. To be misunderstood is one of the biggest sources of anxiety for me, and so if someone I love is being misunderstood and is hurting because of it, I am feeling anxiety for her. I hurt for her because I know how terrible it is. It is taking everything I have not to go over there and wield my Perspective Sword to help sort out the misunderstanding between these two so that this ending can continue in a loving way. But I won't. All I can do is pray for them and love them and ask the Angels to descend and help calm the ire and hurt over something that isn't real. A situation between Girlfriend and Homeboy isn't real, and yet, Boyfriend is immensely hurt because he imagines there is something there.
I so value truth. To my core. Because without truth, everything else is supposition and imagination. And imagination, the majority of the time, is harmful, fueled by hurt and ego and past experiences that don't necessarily have anything to do with the now. Imagination leads us to call perfect strangers in a grocery line some of the worst names on the planet because "she was giving me the stank eye." That is absolute insanity. The stank eye? From a perfect stranger? In the grocery store line? What if she had something in her contact? What if she was squinting to see something behind you? What if she was frowning in concentration trying to remember if she edited that report at work before she turned it in? What if it had nothing to do with you? Would you feel silly if you heard the truth about that situation and it had nothing, NOTHING to do with what you thought?
And here, imagination is going to lead to a tarnished ending to a relationship that was so loving. And I hurt because of that. I hurt with sadness and disappointment for them. And I mourn the fact that the Truth didn't have a chance to win because Misunderstanding took over. I ask you to please, in your own lives, ask yourselves, "How can I see this differently? Could there be truth to what they profess is really happening?" If the answer to that question is yes, go with it. Believe them. And get back to loving them as soon as possible.